It was 3 AM in the night. He couldn't sleep because of an uneasy
feeling, a feeling which can never be described in words of any
language. A feeling which is only understood by the one who has
experienced it in life. A feeling when one moment you find your chest
laden with tonnes of grief that you feel like you're buried deep beneath
a catacomb and other moment you feel so empty, so void that you stop
sensing anything inside your rib cage, it's like you've snatched your
own heart off and thrown it miles away.
In the bright sunlight
he may be the most practical and logical man walking on the planet but
at times like these he wanted to hold someone and cry like a baby. But
practicality you see can inject life into a dying person. He thought
that the best workout for an emotional state like this is to analyze the
griefs and destroy them individually. So he closed his eyes and started
thinking about his problems. After few minutes of deep thinking he
found that he had no griefs at all, though his heart appeared to be
swollen with them. Here is when the unexplainable part of the feeling
comes, you don't have any visible problems. You're just so empty inside
that you want your chest to be hacked and chopped into tiny pieces until
it stops feeling anything.
His practicality shook him again.
He knew that in such situations of distress talking to the people you
love helps a lot. But who'll get up at 3 AM for him? Yes, definitely his
mother. But if he called her at this time and told her about his
situation she may possibly freak out and not be able to sleep for the
rest of the night. He decided to call his girlfriend instead.
"Hello, listen baby I'm feeling so distressed. I don't know what's happening to me. I'm just scared."
"What? Scared?"
"Yes, I don't know. I'm going mad maybe, but I need you right at this moment to hug me and console me."
"See baby I can't understand what you want to say. I had a very busy and rough day today. I was sleeping..."
"Ah. Okay baby you sleep. I'll manage."
He disconnected, not because he got sad but because he knew she was
saying the truth, her drowsy voice confirmed it and also because he knew
he was talking gibberish in an attempt to explain his feeling. But he
wanted her to be near him at that very moment. "I love you. Please hug
me.", he texted. He knew she won't read the message but it somehow made
him feel secure.
He closed his eyes and took deep breaths. But
soon he had to open them to give way to the tears oozing out. He buried
his face in the pillows and after a few seconds it was the morning alarm
that woke him up.
