Tuesday, 11 March 2014

Walking Alone on an Empty Road

I drift lifeless in this weary night
Not cognizant of these dark ways
A tear in my eye blurs my sight
Souvenir of bright, beautiful days

I hear the sound of leaves, dry
Crushed like my life, torn apart
Like a soft, muffled cry
I hear their echo in my heart

I turned around with a firm belief
Of someone in this way unknown
But the sight multiplied my grief
An empty road with shadow of my own

I looked up at the moon profound
Prepared I was to shout aloud
At this happiness I just found
When she hid behind a chunk of cloud

The Feeling...

It was 3 AM in the night. He couldn't sleep because of an uneasy feeling, a feeling which can never be described in words of any language. A feeling which is only understood by the one who has experienced it in life. A feeling when one moment you find your chest laden with tonnes of grief that you feel like you're buried deep beneath a catacomb and other moment you feel so empty, so void that you stop sensing anything inside your rib cage, it's like you've snatched your own heart off and thrown it miles away.
In the bright sunlight he may be the most practical and logical man walking on the planet but at times like these he wanted to hold someone and cry like a baby. But practicality you see can inject life into a dying person. He thought that the best workout for an emotional state like this is to analyze the griefs and destroy them individually. So he closed his eyes and started thinking about his problems. After few minutes of deep thinking he found that he had no griefs at all, though his heart appeared to be swollen with them. Here is when the unexplainable part of the feeling comes, you don't have any visible problems. You're just so empty inside that you want your chest to be hacked and chopped into tiny pieces until it stops feeling anything.

His practicality shook him again. He knew that in such situations of distress talking to the people you love helps a lot. But who'll get up at 3 AM for him? Yes, definitely his mother. But if he called her at this time and told her about his situation she may possibly freak out and not be able to sleep for the rest of the night. He decided to call his girlfriend instead.

"Hello, listen baby I'm feeling so distressed. I don't know what's happening to me. I'm just scared."
"What? Scared?"
"Yes, I don't know. I'm going mad maybe, but I need you right at this moment to hug me and console me."
"See baby I can't understand what you want to say. I had a very busy and rough day today. I was sleeping..."
"Ah. Okay baby you sleep. I'll manage."

He disconnected, not because he got sad but because he knew she was saying the truth, her drowsy voice confirmed it and also because he knew he was talking gibberish in an attempt to explain his feeling. But he wanted her to be near him at that very moment. "I love you. Please hug me.", he texted. He knew she won't read the message but it somehow made him feel secure.

He closed his eyes and took deep breaths. But soon he had to open them to give way to the tears oozing out. He buried his face in the pillows and after a few seconds it was the morning alarm that woke him up.